I Smile Back :)

To everyone who says misery is beautiful : Fuck you. You don’t know what it’s like to be constantly suicidal or depressed. You didn’t weep yourself to sleep every night and tussle for hours every morning to get out of bed. You didn’t spend hours glaring into space because you felt hollow from inside, because you don’t feel emotions anymore. You didn’t have random fits of frustration for even the tiniest, inconsequential things. 😦 You didn’t look into the mirror and observe yourself turning into a stranger with every passing moment. So don’t you dare walk in with that patronizing stride, look at someone in agony and smirk and say “it’s just a phase” as consolation because it’s not and you won’t know, because you’re too shallow to understand. It’s not your fault of course, you just don’t know what it’s like to feel in extremes, to soar one day and drown the other, to be addicted to feeling, to be addicted to hating yourself. :/

Depression isn’t being sad. Depression isn’t writing downhearted poetry and listening to Taylor Swift songs or making memes about it. Depression isn’t something momentary, and it’s not something that you recognize for a long time. It’s being void, for months. 😦 You barely feel emotions, and when you do, it’s just negativity towards yourself. It starts out as a scratch, that you don’t even bother noticing and conceal, until it starts creeping up on you and engulfs you. By the time you comprehend that you’re depressed, it’s too late. It’s too late for you to aid yourself. That’s when it hits you that the symptoms were there all along, but you were too engaged concealing your emotions to notice them. Stress, anxiety, anger issues, eating disorders. :/ You barely sleep because you’re agitated all night, but you don’t get out of bed for more than an hour. It consumes your motivation, that will help you to get out and do something. You gradually walk away from everyone you know because you feel like you’re a burden to them. You a foodie at one point of time now gets nauseous even at the sight of food. :/

You gradually give in to self trauma to transfer mental pain to physical pain, because distraction is the only medium you know of coping up with pain. You desperately need someone to understand, but they don’t. You desperately want to call out for help, but you’re too frightened. That’s what depression is like. If you know someone like this, LISTEN to them. STOP ROMANTICIZING DEPRESSION. :/

Don’t tell them that it’s a phase and that it’ll pass, because if they tell you about it, it’s probably because they’ve waited too long for this perpetual phase to pass. Don’t tell them it’s just a mood swing, because you could never know the number of scars of their arms, or the number of cigarettes they smoke per day. Don’t tell them to “get over it” because you never know the number of times they’ve been suicidal. 😦

If you know someone like that, just listen to them and let them know that they matter and that you need them in your life, because you’ll never know how many lives you’ll save just by letting someone know that they matter. Make them believe that they can fight this, and that you’ll fight right beside them. Remind them constantly that they’re brave and have your support. 🙂

If you’re someone who read this and could relate to any part of it, you know what to do. Put the blade down, put out the cigarette, put the bottle of alcohol back into the cabinet. I know you loathe yourself, or don’t recognize yourself. :/ I know that all you want is for the torture to go away. I know that you try to fight your thoughts but no matter what you do, they don’t go away. So vent it out. 🙂

It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to bawl, it’s okay to spend hours writing, or playing music or going for a run just to get it out and most importantly, it’s okay to ask for help. You’re not alone. 🙂 There’s loads of folks fighting this, there’s loads of folks who have fought this and are now happy. Stay strong because there’ll always be a light at the end of the tunnel. Negative thoughts are not worth the attention you give to them. You survived all these years, through your hurdles as well as of those who mattered to you. 🙂 So why not try one last time with every teeny-weeny bit left in you? Why not turn that void in you, to a battle scar? Why not eliminate your demons, with arrows of fire? 🙂

You are not your mistakes. 🙂

You are not your circumstances. 🙂

You are all the smiles that you’ve caused. 🙂

You are all the love that you’ve given. 🙂

You are all the battles that you’ve won. 🙂

Stay strong. Battling depression is tough, but you’re tougher. You can do this. I believe in you. 🙂 One last time, for the sake of all the people who ever loved you, fight, baby, fight. Until next we meet, stay happy, spread love and be kind. 🙂

Pic Creds : Tumblr

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